Clarity

If there is one duty we have in this universe, I think it must be this: to be honest with ourselves.

I am sick of self-delusion, so sick of it that it may be making me a destructive person.

Offending Ethan was, perhaps, not the smart thing to do, but I'm running out of reasons to care. The man's vision of who and what he is swamps his understanding. He is so fixated on who he is that he cannot see what he is doing.

Putting people in a position that functions as blackmail is not exactly the same as directly blackmailing them, but it's a pride-blind fool who can't bear to see that particular similarity pointed out. So Ethan says he is done with me, done with the Accord. If he's as shallow as he acts, the feeling's pretty well mutual.

But I don't think it is. Taking his anger out on my colleagues is a pretty telling sign; not all is well inside Ethan's head, and it's not just that he's feeling insulted. It's a hopeful indicator.

But ... I've been reckless, first with Kyoko and now her husband. This is not something I'm going to be able to keep up, even if I succeed with these two. Caution is called for. Care. Thought. I need to approach my work with more than these ... whimsical mind games to correct shortcomings, however irritating.

Calling capsuleers as a class shallow and petty has usually been an understatement, but nowadays I find our blindnesses almost intollerable. What is this tendency in myself? This ... need to lance every boil I can spot, even if it happens to be on the end of Ethan Verone's nose?

It's easier when it's someone I don't actually like. It seems to be only people I've grown fond of that inspire me to knock their heads against walls until they can see truth between the stars.

Well. What will come will come.